October is a massive month of reflection for me. I participate in Frocktober to help raise awareness of ovarian cancer and hopefully drive more funding and an early detection test. It’s what killed my mum, so it’s important to me.

But the 16^th is also my birthday. Those of you who know me well, know I get a little mopey on my birthday (yes, only a little…!). But it has less to do with the age thing, and more to do with the one minute gap in my day.

It’s that gap in the day that kicks me in the gut. It’s that gap in the day that, as irrational as it sounds, I still expect to be filled.

It’s that one minute of time that my mum would take every year to call me and wish me a happy birthday.

She would sing the song to ‘Ka-wisti Abecca’ because it was apparently always hilarious to remind me each year of how I couldn’t say my name properly as a toddler. She would always sing over the top of Dad trying to wish me a happy birthday from the background. She would always call first thing in the morning, starting my day off the best way – with a song and a smile.

But now, it’s just a gap. And you all know how much I love my family and friends, and I am surrounded by so much love and well wishes.

But on this one day, I am a tad self indulgent, and I grieve for that gap in my day that will never be filled again.

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice