“All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this: One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, ‘Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’ This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.” Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie.

There are certain rites of passage you go through on your way to becoming comfortable in your own skin. I always get a kick out of the ease with which our more senior generation say exactly what they think, and I think, ‘I cannot wait until I am old enough to not give a shit about what people think of me’.

Well, I reckon I am ticking some of these rites of passage and they are being ticked a lot quicker than they used to be. Is it because I am getting to ‘that age’ or is my patience with this world expiring just a little quicker than it used to because I’m a little wiser, rather than a little older?

Here are the rites of passage I’m ready to admit I am embracing…

Rite of passage number 1

The comfy shoes. I have found these shoes that are literally like walking on clouds of softness and light. My colleagues shake their heads when I wear them, as they will definitely not win any fashion points. I also wear them with my work attire, so you can picture me ageing about thirty years in one swift stride down the Terrace, can’t you?

These shoes are the most comfy things I have ever encountered. I’m not here to impress anyone, or to be the best dressed person in the CBD, I am here to get where I need to go with the least amount of strain and pain on my body. That means my beloved heels and stilettos are often relegated to ‘when I need to wear them’ which is when I can guarantee I’ll be sitting on my arse for long periods of time.

My loverly comfy shoes also suit my desire to go to and from work quickly. So while you are teetering your pencil thin heels, you can eat my dust as I zoom past you in my cloud-like-flat-and-oh-so-comfy shoes.

ROPN2

Intolerance for insolence – the kids on the train that talk about their ‘love’ lives way too loudly, the teenagers talking during a movie. Yes, I know I used to be that little brat, but now… seriously… go away. I’m not quite at the point of giving them ‘what for’ for their behaviour, but I’m sure that’s not too far away. Shut up, sit down and don’t annoy me. Your dramatic little issues might be the most important thing in your life, but you don’t need to share how like pissed off you are with Shanaya for like talking to your boyfriend while you were like literally standing right next to him, with the entire suburb.

While I’m at it, show a little respect for those of us who are paying your Centrelink cheques and stand up on the train!

ROPN3

People who don’t understand what superfluous or redundant means.

Some examples:

• I’m going to wake up at 7am in the morning… Newsflash, people: AM and morning mean the same thing, you do not need to say them both, so stop it!
• I need to use the ATM machine… the automatic teller machine machine?
• I am currently reading this book about… am + currently = superfluous

ROPN4

Listening to talk back radio. Yes, I admit it, when I’m in my car, I listen to AM. But let’s be honest, what good is the music played on FM radio, anyway? And do you think I care enough to take the time to figure out how to hook up my iPod or whatever external device to my car stereo? No, I don’t have the time or the inclination to sit in my car and work out how to play my ‘golden oldies’, so talk back it is. Besides, not only is the content more sports and less adverts and annoying dickheads, the old biddies yakking on are freaking hilarious.

ROPN5

Preferring a Saturday night on the couch, to a Saturday night on the dancefloor. I really don’t need to say anything about this other than there used to be a time when the only time I wasn’t going to go out on a weekend was Monday – Tuesday (when I was recovering from the prior weekend). Now? There is nothing better than a pile of trashy television shows, a bottle of wine and the silence and comfort of my couch. (Oh, and my tracksuit pants).

“Keeping up the appearance of having all your marbles is hard work, but important.”  Water for Elephants, Sarah Gruen.